My first sexual experience happened at 11years.
Before then, I had being a play toy from the age of 8.
Right there under my parent’s roof, he would call me into his room…
It all started with calling me in to watch movies with him.
Movies about adults toiling and playing with each other’s private parts.
For an 8 years old girl who has such a lively and curious mind, I wanted to know how that felt.
He was my favorite Uncle,
He would buy me the nicest things, compliment me more than my other siblings and carry me more.
So I naturally felt safe. I felt connected to him and so it was very easy for me to talk to him and ask him questions.
In fact, He was the only one I talk to. To others, I was too inquisitive, and I was too open for my age.
In no time, I started asking him questions about how what the adults in the movie we watched felt.
“Do you want to know”?
Was his response to me for like few times.
“Yes”! – eagerly with a beaming eyes of a cat I will always respond.
And then he’ll say “I’ll tell you.
But he never does.
The next time, he’ll make me watch something more intense than the last and I just couldn’t take the curiosity anymore.
Some few months after it all started, I started becoming more curious about my own body.
I know I usually feel some certain tingle in between my legs when I rub them together.
And also in between my legs when I eat or chew something in my mouth with so much poise.
Do you remember ever experiencing that as a child?
Perhaps you don’t remember. I remember vividly, that one.
As Adults, we no longer do that. We no longer eat our food with poise and savor it all. And that’s exactly one of the reasons we no longer feel as deeply as we ought to.
In my last class inside of my Private Telegram Community, I went in-depth about how practicing presence with your Oral fixations can help strengthen your ability to feel.
I don’t regret that curious exploration of my body at that age, but I do certainly feel bad that it had to happen that way.
It was voluntarily but deeply influenced. At that age, I didn’t ever think that I was been brainwashed and programmed.
He knew what he was doing. He was the ultimate modern predator.
For a very long time up till I was 8years and 10months, he fed my mind with so many ideas of what he wanted to do to me.
And made sure I started opening up to enjoy it on my own.
*Little side trick to the men who never know how to talk about their fantasies to their women- start by feeding her with resources, get into her head with the fantasies first.
If you have read my book “Hot Sex” you’ll see so much more of these tricks to talking to any woman about sex.
Till now, I haven’t gotten closure as to why he programmed me like that.
Could he be trying to in his own mind not feel guilty by putting me on the path myself?
Or did he just enjoy seeing his preys willingly surrender themselves to be consumed like this?
At 8years 11 months, he touched me for the first time.
After the usual rounds of films. I blurted out at some point!
“Oh! I know how that feels”
“You do?” He responded.
“Yes, I have tried it on my thighs before after that ….. movie we watched.
Hmmm… he responded with a smile on his face.
“Come here” he signaled me to himself and asked me to sit on his laps.
“I’ll touch you here, and I want you to tell me how it feels” okay.
“Okay uncle” I responded with such eager, but scared and at the same time curious mind of a lab rat.
He started slowly touching me from my knees up towards my thigh!
Oh goodness! It felt different.
Different than when I use my own soft tiny hands.
Different than anything I have ever felt.
“It feels really sweet Uncle” like when I lick that fruity candy you buy for me”. I responded.
I had no adult reasoning to tell me “this is all shades of wrong”
Well… the one who could have is the one indulging me so what could be wrong about this?
… that was me in my tiny little head.
He did that for quite a while, pulled down my skirt and asked me to go sit.
Let me pause your imagination right here.
You might have started feeling the pain, repulse, disgust I felt realizing what was happening at the age of 15. or maybe pleasure ( I mean it’s okay if you somehow do, it’s a natural human process and I did until I realized how terribly I had been treated.)
But beyond that, I want you to pick something here…
This was a terrible shaping experience for an 8years old, but these very experiences also taught me invaluable lessons that healing made me find and started using in my adult life.
Now I am able to teach men exactly how to pleasure a woman and make her feel safe to let go of all of herself with him. I also write books about sex from a more relatable space to equip others with the skills needed to have great sex.
I really wish most adults take this approach in their relationships with other adults.
These days, most men are just so much in a hurry to ejaculate or get their woman to orgasm that they miss out on the most important part.
👉Preparing her mind
👉helping her feel safe
👉slowly opening up her body to pleasure
👉building her curiosity
👉talking to her about sex.
All of which makes up a really deliciously hot woman who is open enough to receive the pleasure you desire to give her and in return she’ll do the honor of granting you deep states of pleasure.
It took me 10years to finally heal from the effects of that experience I had, I never really got closure and to really make him pay for doing that to me.
But something they say about Capricorns and Saturn ruled signs. We have karma on our side and no one dares hurt us and will ever go unscathed.
I am not happy that he died anymore. (Although honestly in my teens and early 20s, I always felt like he deserved it).
But healing opened me up to forgiveness and forgiving myself especially for letting him do something like that to me.
And now his death to me feels like a transition that had to happen.
I feel like he came here to do his part and to do something grande to set the stage for the life I was destined for.
Everything he did to me, even though he did them to the wrong person at the wrong time (maybe not- the Universe can be weird sometimes) that has taught me about Soulful sexual experiences than any book can ever teach me.
And healing opened me up to all of the lessons and in this moment in my life reflecting on all of it. I see that…
I am really where I ought to be…
Our experiences shape our future. And it said that “we often experience our biggest life’s purpose as children first.
And our biggest pain is exactly what we are meant to heal in the world.
As a sex coach right now whose life’s work is dedicated to helping men and women experience the blissful pleasure buried deep within them.
I do not regret my past. I simply look eagerly to the future how much work I have to do on a grande scale of getting men and woman to bring back honor and re-invite the soul into sex.
And have deep hot soulful fulfilling sexual experiences together.
It’s possible to have a relationship where you don’t have to cheat.
It’s possible to have a relationship where sex is always exciting, and your partner is always curious and eager to have you touch them.
It’s possible to have a relationship where you both can honor and experience pleasure and sex on your own terms.
It’s possible to have a relationship where intimacy is a deep foundation that can never be shaken.
However, none of these is important without a plan. A plan to actually attract this into your life.
A plan to make this work in the long run.
A plan to bring your partner on the same page with you.
And because in this age we live in, we usually tend to end up with partners who don’t mirror what our souls need.
Because we weren’t taught or used to talking about sex from the early stage of our relationships. We weren’t taught to take sex & intimacy as a serious part of our partnership.
Worse, we have been taught the wrong ideas of sex and intimacy all of our lives that it no longer is sustainable to use the fake aspects of these concepts in our relationships.
This however is why people like me exist on this planet. Most people like the fancy term “Coach” but I see myself as just a Friend and a guide.
I exist to guide you on how to talk about the most uncomfortable sexual expressions in a way that gets your partner curious and eager. (I have experienced this first hand! Not once but many times)
I am here to guide you back home to yourself. You are a sexual being. You have always been right from the day you were brought into this planet. It is your primordial nature.
It is not dirty or fleshy to engage in sex.
In fact Sex, is the closest we can ever touch base with spirit and our soul.
And my job, is to guide you back to discovering your sexual self so you can bring back that playful, innocent eye of a child into your adult life to unlock a deeper level of sex and intimacy with your partner that you never thought could exist.
Guilt doesn’t belong in sex. In fact it’s the most useless emotion we can ever feel. And for most couples right now, guilt is the number one thing killing their sex life’s outside shame.
Guilt because their pastor said doing so so is taboo! How is it taboo to enjoy sex in anyway and everyday with the man or woman that you have been joined with?
Isn’t that one of the ground for coming together as a union in the Bible? to stop fornication?
So why do couples in a committed relationship suddenly feel like they are sinning by openly and freely enjoying the blessings and adventures of sex in their relationships?
And often times, one couple is open as a book but the other is as closed as a tank. So often time they fray off out of their Sexual being-ness.
“What if my partner isn’t into sex you might ask?”
Well… part of my work is to be the middle person who offers you both a level ground to talk about things you are too afraid, conscious or uncomfortable telling your partner because you don’t want them to judge, Condemn or look at you a certain way.
I am a container and because this container is so open, free, authentic, safe, discreet and non-judgmental, it over powers any energy of insecurity, judgements and fear in both of you and your expressions naturally mirrors mine.
Having being trained by Academia and experience, I am equipped with the knowledge of using the right set of questions to draw out responses in people that I want and also getting people to naturally open up and talk freely about their feelings and concerns.
This is the hallmark of my Couples Intimacy Program.
Along with the tools and action plans I curate for clients, I also encourage my clients to open up to practices and hands on practices like “Body mapping” touching each other’s bodies in a way that’s revealing, releasing and re-establishing connection, safety and knowledge for what feels good or not to both of them.
Just as my childhood experiences have greatly shaped my sex life. Experiences shape all of us. Whether good or bad.
And so I always encourage couples to look within where they are in their relationships to pick out the missing piece, the lessons and the blessings.
Whatever is making you unhappy in your relationship is teaching you “what your soul don’t want”
Whatever is making you happy, is teaching you what your soul really needs to thrive.
The question is “Are you paying attention?