Here is what 2022 taught me about “ Finding Help & Building Relationships” and one thing you must focus on building in 2023 by GoddessJhay
In 2022, I have realized through my life struggles and challenges that “help is readily available to all of us when we need it”
Key word “Need”.
And beyond that is…
“you must look for and ask for that help. But before you ask, THINK!
The reason most of us get rejections that end up shaping us into someone who fears rejection so bad is because we often skip the thinking before asking part.
As someone who has had to deal with the fear of getting No for an answer, I developed the awful habit of not asking for help. (I said awful because it really hurt me more than serve me)
So I will try to butt heads with everything all by myself. Thank God for my super strength and tenacity I tend to be able to get things done on my own, even if I have to do it through my teeth.
But do I really need to do it through my teeth?
And then I sold all of my belongings and moved to a new city I had no friends, no family, and no clients. (Crazy right? Only a wildly insane bird like me would do that😪).
As if that wasn’t enough, my Dad got sick, my brother was experiencing a sort of mental imbalance, and in the midst of spending my life savings on them and still trying to shuffle through my teeth, I got sick.
Wahala!
I hit rock bottom so bad that I didn’t have anywhere else to go than up!
I had to face my fear of rejection and ask for help, cos obviously I didn’t come to this life to suffer in silence.
I mean common! I have friends who have money, are mentally stable and will always readily help me. (I pride myself in selecting my inner circle with so much respect for details! Details meaning intentionally)
The first time I summoned the courage to ask for help, i just picked one of my friends and asked.
And boom in my face, he couldn’t help.
Ahah! Said that bitchcy capricious inner voice! “I told you not to do it! That he will say No! See ? I told you so. This is exactly why we don’t ask!”
That voice insulted me that day ehn!
But where God will shame it, there was no better choice that my rational mind could see. It was either I asked or I go insane. And trust me that’s the last thing my overly analytical mind ever wants.
I can even hear it now “I think!” that’s the only thing I know how to do”😂😂😂
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And so it did start really thinking!
And here is where it struck me.
I have quite a number of friends, but all of them are not the same. They have different interests and things that drive them to action.
As someone whose default setting is “observing people”. I kind of know all of my friends’s interests and motivation for action.
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So if I have an education related challenge financial or not that I need help with.
I have to ask myself first “which of my friends is in the “best position” to help me with this.
And weirdly, every little note my mind has made about my friends starts creeping to the surface (it’s why I said observing is my default setting- because 90% of the time I don’t even know I am doing it).
And so Instead of asking Femi that is a jaye master for help with my education, because even if Femi has a way to help me, 95% chance he won’t.
Doesn’t make Femi a bad person, but Femi could care less about studying or learning in his own life and so definitely can’t be motivated to do anything about that in others lives.
But will Femi support me in paying for my trip to go and flex the shit out of life and have wild passionate sex with hot men on the beach in the Bali? You bet he will! 😅
But since I know which one of my friend value education passionately, then I can ask the right person for help, and there is a 99% chance I get it.
Did it work?
Hell freaking Yes!
This has worked for me more times than I can count now in 2022.
I can’t believe I am proudly saying this, but Yes! The overly Independent Joy now asks for help without shame 😂
Maybe 2 out of 10 times, but that’s a good start, No?
Now here is the flip side. “Like they say attract likes”.
If you want to have friends who will readily help you. You have to position yourself mentally, emotionally and physically to readily be available to help others.
When people ask you for help! Do not let “oh wow, I am so sorry I can’t help right now” be the first thing that jumps out of your mouth.
Don’t het me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that. But at least engage your mind. This you are someone’s hope right now. Try before you conclude you can’t.
THINK!
Always THINK! Even if you have to not reply to the message for a while and tell them to give you time to think. Yes!
I have never had an issue with this. I have always been the one to enjoy helping people or find a way to help people even if I can’t at the time. (Amazing habit I picked up from my Sagittarius mum- they love people with all of them😍)
I don’t believe anyone can be there to help us all the time and I don’t also believe in putting pressure on yourself just to help others.
But why exactly are we all in this web of collectiveness if we can’t tap into each other?
I do not have to be the one who directly helps my friends. So if my friend ask me for help with something, I have trained myself to Think first.
Okay! I don’t have the capacity to help this person right now, but who do I know that can “readily” help?
And then I talk to that person on my friends behalf. It doesn’t have to be me, but the fact that they could open their mouth to ask me for that in a world where Shame and judgement is readily given, tells me they somehow were “hoping” I could help.
If there is one thing I never want to take away from anyone “it’s their hope”.
What if I did try but still didn’t get them help?
I was hoping you’d ask me that question 😅.
“We cannot control the outcome of anything, but we can definitely control our input”.
It’s just something I have lived by and I think deeply understanding that will help in situations like this.
Think about it this way.
What is the best thing you can do to help a friend in need when you yourself can’t seem to help?
For me, it would be helping them find a possibility of getting that help somehow.
I am a thinker, and so that naturally puts me in the 5% of people who somehow find solutions faster than others because we can connect dots faster. (My brain literally needs about 3mins of silence to find solution to a problem)
That is the best I can do. And that is all I need to do.
The moment I do that, I have controlled my input. And deep down, I naturally know I have done my best.
And I believe everyone has this capacity. To find solutions and not just solutions but with a sleek superlandng! For some it might just need a little mastering.
The moment you do what you know you “can do in that moment” then you have to let go of the outcome.
Your friend too will be grateful you at least tried.
Now! Here is the biggest part that makes my first point of “asking for help” and “being readily available to help” work or have meaning.
Can you guess what that is?
If you guessed right before reading further, drop me a 🔥 in the comment. I want to see something (your mind must be very 🔥, ).
Well, yes! It’s “Your Network”.
You cannot give what you don’t have.
The juiciest version of that is “you cannot reap where you did not sow”.
👉What kind of network are you building?
👉What sort of friendships are you investing in?
👉Who are the people you hang out with the most?
See, it’s not about having friends, or going to parties every time with friends or people.
👉Are they solid?
👉Do they even deserve to be in your life?
👉And do you deserve to be in their lives.
Because you cannot always avoid showing up for your friends and desire them to show up for you.
You cannot desire to have mentally, emotionally and soulfully matured friends, when you don’t even invest in becoming that sort of person.
Every relationship you build cannot be because you are lonely and just want to be around other people.
I have very few friends, but if there is one thing I am proud of myself for- it’s that every single one of my friends have something I need that the others don’t.
If I ever ask a friend for help and they are unable to help, I know it’s my fault. I didn’t ask the right person.
And that same person who couldn’t help me then, always helps when I ask them what they can help with.
The way I see life in this moment is this “ It’s all business! The business of living and experiencing.
As a business owner, do you leave your business for others to create, oversee, and make decisions for it and you just lay back and watch from the side mirror with your eyes closed?
So why do we tend to do the same with our lives?
I mean it’s okay if we have somehow being living accidentally. I have done that . In fact up until my Late 20s I did just that.
“Do what you have to do. But when you know better, Do better”!
I cannot remember where I heard those words from, but I haven’t forgotten since I heard it.
There is no excuse to continue living without intentionally creating our lives through our relationships the moment we realize we have that much power.
So amigo, if there is one thing you should focus on in 2023, it’s “building wealthy connections”.
Friendship, mates, business partners, Sex mates, Life partners who mirror exactly and ONLY what your soul needs to experience, become and evolve in this lifetime.
Doing anything other than this is an entire waste.
It doesn’t mean you become an asshole to others or to people and only be nice or speak to the people you call friends.
You can’t even do that. Because everyone is still connected to you. Maybe not connected to serve your needs as a human. But still connected from the same fabric of life. “Love”
The very essence of all God Is and all there is!
So Yes! Love everyone, be kind to everyone, help people you are drawn to help.
But look at your life as a Chamber of Commerce 😂😂😂 (I don’t know why I said that- but…)
The Vault cannot be for everyone. That’s why it’s a vault.
Your inner circle cannot be for everyone. But only for people who serve that inner circle which is “your soul”.
Think “Soul tribe, Soul mates”.
Okay amigo! That’s it!
I suddenly woke up from sleep to write this long ass note and now I have to drop my hand pen and go back to sleep.
I am sending you an abundance of love, joy and peace and I wish you so much success for your year ahead.
Love,
Jhay.
PS: if you are a Solid Man looking for help with building your dream relationship with your dream woman in 2023 but struggle with asking women out or understanding their needs, I think you will find this space really useful. 👉DATING, SEX & INTIMACY COACHING FOR MEN. 👉 https://venusbyhermagic.com/conscious-sexual…annel-disclaimer/
Seunmanuel Faleye is a brand and communications strategist. He is a covert writer and an overt creative head. He publishes Apple’s Bite International Magazine.
